[Heartagram]

I have no idea why I'm posting this. I'm not usually such an open person, I tend to keep things to myself more often than not -- all bottled up, I guess you could say. But I guess reading all these other posts and realizing how honost you all are with everyone is what got me. So, here goes nothing...


There's this guy that I grew up with whom I'm very close to. Well, nowadays, not so much because I hardly ever see him anymore. But more to the point... when I was 13, I tried to comment suicide. I had a gun in my possession and I was determined to end my life. No one was home, and my brother just so happened to have what I needed to get the job done, so to speak. But at that point, I heard a soft knock on my front door... I knew who it was. There was only one person who knocks like that so that I would know who it was. Something told me to just put the gun down and answer the door. So I did. Sure enough, it was him. He had come over looking for my brother, but we ended up talking because, after all, we were closer than he and my brother. He had no idea what I had planned to do before I opened that door -- as far as he was concerned, nothing out of the ordinary had happened. But when he left, I just felt like I didn't want to go back to my previous task of what I was planning to do to myself. Just talking to him made me feel... wanted, alive... I don't know. It made me feel a lot of things.


From that day forward, I felt something everytime I saw him, everytime I was around him, etc. Something I've never felt before. It's like the simple sound of his name did so much for me. A lot of people would just say it's "puppy love" or infatuation, even obsession. But it's not. I realized it was so much more than that. I was actually in love with this guy. And I still am to this day. I've always wanted to tell him, but it never seemed like the right time. He'd been seeing one girl for quite some time, and now another girl. Although I don't like either girl (for other reasons, not for dating him), I still respected him enough not to ruin his relationships. The pain I feel when I see him with another girl is indescribable. I wish I could tell him, but like I said, it never seems like the right time. I've lived with this pain for 3 years and it seems to be getting worse and worse as time goes by. It's even brought me to the point of another suicide attempt. Another failed, obviously.


I really don't know what to do. I wonder why I'm even posting this because I know most of you will say that it is in fact infatuation or obsession. But if you could only feel a shred of what I feel for this guy, then you would realize it's not. Not by any stretch of the mind, it's not. It's this overwhelming feeling that just will not go away... an overwhelming feeling of love. What I feel is real... and I'm afraid that if I don't say something soon, I'll end up regretting it for the rest of my life -- just like I've regretted it the past 3 years. But for some reason I can't. If I was presented with the opportunity of telling him, sometimes I wonder if I would... because I honestly don't know.


And what makes it worse is that I have hardly given any other guy a chance since. I've dated a few guys here and there, but nothing serious. I'm afraid that if another guy becomes serious about me, I won't be able to love that guy the way I love him. And I don't find that to be very fair to the guy I would be with. But that fear is slowly coming true... or at least I think.


There's this really great guy that I know who is a friend of both of my older brothers. He's interested in me and he's made that clear. He's incredibly sweet, I adore him, and yes, I love him. But we've told each other that before he decided that he was genuinely interested in me. I would love to be in a relationship with him, he's a great guy. I just don't know how to tell him my situation considering the other guy is also a friend of his. A few of my friends understand my situation, but they often question why I don't just forget about him and move on to someone who wants something more with me. I guess they've never heard the expression "true love never dies..."


In closing, I apologize for the lack of names. I don't usually open up to people all that much. Especially a board with hundreds of people reading my problems. But for some reason, I felt I needed to get it out there. So, we'll just call *him* NN and the other guy KD. But any advice you guys have on this rambling of mine, I guess I'm open to it. I really don't have much to lose...

[Alison]

Is it possible that your feelings are so strong for this NN guy because he saved you from commiting suicide? I know a fair few people who were on the verge of commiting suicide or so far down in drugs and booze that they couldn't see a way out. A guy or girl came along, held out their hand to list them up and since then supported them all the way through. With that situation I wouldn't call that true love but I would call it love of some kind. Is that like what you're in now?

Anywho, forgetting about everything around you and just putting NN and KD infront of you. Which one would you want a romantic relationship with?

[Sarah!]

Originally Posted by allioness

Is it possible that your feelings are so strong for this NN guy because he saved you from commiting suicide? I know a fair few people who were on the verge of commiting suicide or so far down in drugs and booze that they couldn't see a way out. A guy or girl came along, held out their hand to list them up and since then supported them all the way through. With that situation I wouldn't call that true love but I would call it love of some kind. Is that like what you're in now?

Anywho, forgetting about everything around you and just putting NN and KD infront of you. Which one would you want a romantic relationship with?

I completely agree with Alison. The reason why you feel so strongly for this guy is because he saved you when you felt like you had no one and suicide was your way out . He was there for you when probably no one else was.

[Heartagram]

I think you're both right in a sense. Yes, I love him for being the one who was there for me -- even though he didn't know it. But over the years, it's been so much more than that. I don't know how to explain it, and I doubt you'll understand it fully unless you've stood in my shoes. But I know it's more than that. You may think I'm crazy, lol... but somehow I know.

[QueTeImporta]

i think you really love this guy and i understand that. but, if you have a chance with another guy and hes great and wants to be with you i say give him a chance and try to forget about the other guy. i know its hard and its waay easier said than done but you gotta try. especially if after 3yrs he hasnt showed any interest in being with you. (i could be wrong but you didnt say anything about that.)

[Sarah!]

Originally Posted by QueTeImporta

i think you really love this guy and i understand that. but, if you have a chance with another guy and hes great and wants to be with you i say give him a chance and try to forget about the other guy. i know its hard and its waay easier said than done but you gotta try. especially if after 3yrs he hasnt showed any interest in being with you. (i could be wrong but you didnt say anything about that.)

I agree. I think you should give this other guy a try that is if you feel there could be something there. But you should probably get over the other guy first. Which take time. Its going to be hard specially if you have feelings for the guy that was there for you through the hard times. QueTelmporta is right tho, if he hasn't shown any interest at all in the last three years about you guys going somewhere then it probably not going to happen. However, you can tell him how you feel and talk to him about it.

[makedamnsure]

Originally Posted by allioness

Is it possible that your feelings are so strong for this NN guy because he saved you from commiting suicide? I know a fair few people who were on the verge of commiting suicide or so far down in drugs and booze that they couldn't see a way out. A guy or girl came along, held out their hand to list them up and since then supported them all the way through. With that situation I wouldn't call that true love but I would call it love of some kind. Is that like what you're in now?

Anywho, forgetting about everything around you and just putting NN and KD infront of you. Which one would you want a romantic relationship with?

wow thats kinda how i feel you could say i was really depressed and suisidal until i met this guy and we r friennds but i love him and i kno that we will only be friends but me being in love with him and talkiing to him has kept me from things that i would regret.

[Alison]

Originally Posted by Heartagram

I think you're both right in a sense. Yes, I love him for being the one who was there for me -- even though he didn't know it. But over the years, it's been so much more than that. I don't know how to explain it, and I doubt you'll understand it fully unless you've stood in my shoes. But I know it's more than that. You may think I'm crazy, lol... but somehow I know.

I haven't stood in your shoes obviously but I've been in a full on relationship for 3 years and 6 months so I know the sorts of feelings you'll be having

Anywho, I'm thinking you should stay single until you sort your feelings out for both of these guys. You need to have a deep, hard look into things. Which one do you like more? Which one do you stand a better chance with? Do you even need to pick between the two? Which one would you want a romantic relationship with? etc. You just need to ask yourself a whole load of questions before making a decision.

Originally Posted by LeVeL27billy

wow thats kinda how i feel you could say i was really depressed and suisidal until i met this guy and we r friennds but i love him and i kno that we will only be friends but me being in love with him and talkiing to him has kept me from things that i would regret.

*Nods* Yeah, it happens