[Disturbed_Scorpion]

you might be a redneck if....
your dad walks you to school because hes in te same grade.
Your babies first word is "attention K-mart shoppers".
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.
Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.
You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.
Your wedding was held in the delivery room.
Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to the family reunion to pick up women.
Your school fight song was "Dueling Banjos".
Your wife's job requires her to wear an orange vest.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
Your momma tore her best dress coon hunting.
Your richest relative buys a new house and you have to help take the wheels off it.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a day care.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie at the House of Tattoos.
Going to the bathroom in the middle of the night involves putting on shoes and a jacket and grabbing a flashlight.
You go Christmas shopping for your mom, sister, and girlfriend, and you only need to buy one gift.
You can tell your age by the number of rings in the bathtub.
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You take a fishing pole to Sea World.

If you try and impress your brother at a basketball game!! <--- this one is between me and my friend Paige ...it was hilarious i was lmao!

[Lpspider]

heh, that's great. I kinda like the sea world one

[bitey_grl911]

I have some more... You might be a redneck if...
You refer to the 5th grade as your senior year of highschool.
You have a payment plan for your tattoo.
you mow your lawn and you find a car.
You stare at the can of orange juice because it says concentrate
you read a sign that says "crack kills" and you pull up your pants.
you’ve got more than three cousins named “Bubba”.
you’ve ever come home and found crime scene tape across your front porch.
you think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are “Gentlemen, start your engines.”
you kissed your own wife at midnight at the New Year’s Eve party.
you’ve ever taken reading material into an airplane restroom.
you’ve ever valet parked a snow plow.
you’ve ever stood in line to have your picture made with a freak of nature.
you break wind in public and blame it on your kid.
you’ve ever paid for a six-pack of beer with pennies.
you ask the preacher, “How’s it hanging?”
you go to a stock car race and don’t need a program.
you have a bumper sticker that says, “My mother’s an honor student” at the local junior high.
you think potted meat on a saltine is an hors d’oeuvre.
you played the banjo in your high school band.
the velvet paintings in your house were bought from an art dealer on the side of the highway.
you honest-to-God think women are turned on by animal noises and seductive tongue gestures.
anyone in your family has ever purchased peroxide in a gallon container.
your dog has ever brought home something that you cooked for dinner.
you owe a taxidermist more than your monthly income.
you’ve ever hollered, “Rock the house, Bubba!” during a piano recital.
you know who is actually leading the Winston Cup series.
you’ve ever had to turn your pickup truck around because of bridge clearance restrictions.
your new job promotion means that the company foots the bill to have your name sewn on your shirts.

[Russell2go]

i got a some for ya
(in Jeff foxworthy voice)

If You think a 401K is your mothers bra size... You might be a redneck

If your favorite poem cames from a restroom wall...You might be a redneck

If your dog was neutered by court law...You might be a redneck

I you think Nsync is where your dirty dishes are...You might be a redneck

If you can count to eleven on your fingers...You might be a redneck

The last place youve vacationed won't allow you to come back this year...You might be a redneck

If you work without a shirt and so does your husnband...You might be a redneck

If You Spray Cheez Whiz Directly into your mouth...You might be a redneck

If You lost money etting on the Lingerie Bowl... You might be a redneck

FINALLY....

If you openly wept when Pamela Lee had her implants removed...You might be a redneck!

(GREAT HUH?)

[Lord Domino]

I once heard some guy saying loads of these on a plane ... it might have been Jeff Foxworthy, I dunno ... South American guy?

[Russell2go]

what you mean he was on the plane ?
or was his movie playin ?

[Lord Domino]

Movie? Nah, it was a radio thing. On British Airways aeroplanes, there is a radio channel which plays a load of comedy thing over and over - Billy Connelly, Jasper Carrott, Peter Cook and Dudley Moore, etc - and one of them was this South American guy. One of the things he was talking about was these redneck things. Thought it was very funny!

[Russell2go]

Foxworthy is great!
lol

[Magick]

"You might be a red-neck if your working television sits on top of you non-working television"...

It's far from the funniest ever, but I laughed so hard when I heard it on T.V....which was, in fact, sitting on top of my non-working television! The scary thing is that that is NOT the only 'red-neck' joke that implies to my family...

[Russell2go]

i still like my finale on my post
If you openly wept when Pamela Lee had her implants removed...You might be a redneck!

LOL GREATEST ONE ive seen next to
if you have an Electronic Singing Fish in more than three rooms in your house(foxworthy raises hand) you might be a redneck..

[Russell2go]

lol i also have his off the wall calendar for 2005
i have redneck joke to look at everyday
lol

[Disturbed_Scorpion]

if ur nipple got bitten off by a beaver you might be a redneck! funniest one
if you go to a dance and they say do the hoe-down you throw your girlfriend on the floor!...you might be a redneck lol

or one from bill engval which is not a redneck joke...
"I was helping my wife fold clothes and I pulled out some skimpy underwear and said..."when are you going to wear these for me"??? my wife replied "I cant they're YOUR DAUGHTERS" AHH, i mean when the how to wash tag is the biggest piece of cloth on their you gotta worry!
i thot that was hilarious when i heard it on tv

[Russell2go]

^^ agreed Bill engvall is hilarious

"It can be my own house and she goes: "You gotta turn left here..." Thank you princess , i would have been lost in a field somewhere, Cop pulls me over and says: " Whats? the problem here? " My wife aint around.." "Oh, ill give you a warning for now, dont be driving without your wife now"


another redneck joke for y'all

"If you are using a TWISTER! mat as a shower curtain... You might be a redneck...

[Disturbed_Scorpion]

lol hilarious

[Sharps]

Foxworthy is one of the funniest men alive, his accent just does me.